Yesterday I regaled all of you with stories of what I heard in the ladies bathroom at the club the other night. While this is all well and good, no bar story can be complete without random boys hitting on you. Right? Of course right! The first story is actually from a few weeks ago, but, it is so ridiculous that it has to be recounted in blog form.
That night I went out with Ry right after I had gotten off work. Because I had been at work I was slightly more trendy than I usually am, but also in a sixteen year old sort of way, as I used to work for Forever 21, the clothing store. Anyway, I also had a flower in my hair (and I will admit, it was quite cute...). So, Ryley and I were at the Station again, and we had been dancing. It gets really hot when you dance, because there are lot of people in the club, and also a lot of people crowding around. So, we decided to go outside and stand by the fire pits. Well we get outside, and there is a retro nerd dude! Now, you know how I feel about retro nerds. And this dude had the whole thing going on, button up shirt with a jacket over top, hat, and glasses. The only thing missing was suspenders and a bow tie, and that could be fixed with a little training. So anyway, he walks up to me (mind you, totally drunk), and this is the conversation we had:
Retro Nerd: Hey, I like your flower in your hair, it is cute.
Me: Oh, well thank-you, I like your hat, it is very dapper.
Retro Nerd: What does dapper mean?
(by this point I am thinking in my head, WOW STRIKE ONE, but I wanted to give him a chance to redeem himself, he was after all, totally smashed, and I was perfectly sober)
Me: Well, it means very put together, kinda like Gene Kelly.
Retro Nerd: Oh. Who is Gene Kelly.
Me: Wow. You don't know who Gene Kelly is?
Retro Nerd: (Looking around for help because he knows he is sinking) Um, no, should I?
Me: Dude. You totally just failed in flirting with me, sorry. You just struck out.
So, that is how that conversation went. He did talk to me a few times throughout the night, but I also saw him hitting on another chickybean with a flower in HER hair, so I think it was just his conversation opener. Also, he never had a chance after he didn't know what dapper meant. I guess I am elitist that way.
So, back to Friday night. For whatever reason I was actually getting eyed quite a bit. Which is weird, because I don't really ever get eyed. I think it was perhaps because I had spent more than five minutes on my hair. You see, I WANTED it to have a wave in it, but I couldn't get it to go into a wave, but it did end up being curly. Whatever. It was weird. Well, we had been outside for the same reason mentioned above, and I had seen dude eyeing me out there, however, unlike normal girls, I did not return his gaze. I just gazed awkwardly away, and gave a fleeting half-smile. See, at a club like that the "eyeing" is not a "hey, you kinda look cute, I would like to grab a cup of coffee and get to know you". The "eyeing" is a "Hey baby, I want to dance sexy with you and then take you to the hotel across the street, put on some R&B music and get it on" type eyeing. I am just not that kinda girl. Also, I am a TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE flirt. My idea of flirting is sitting awkwardly together while I occasionally talk too loud and spill the drink on the table all over myself. It is certainly not giving someone smoldering looks and promises with my eyes. I am just not that put together. Anyway, Ry and I had been outside, and we walked back in, and dude came running up to me, which, props for him for following me in. This is how it went:
Dude: Hi, may I buy you a drink?
(Now, I don't usually accept drinks. Well, lets face it, I don't usually get asked to have drinks bought for me)
Me: Oh, I am sorry, but I am done drinking tonight.
Ryley: Let the boy buy you a drink! You haven't had a lot!
Me: But I thought I was done drinking?
Ryley: YOU HAVE HAD 2 DRINKS, you are fine.
Me: Ok, you may buy me a drink.
(dude and I walk over to the bar)
Dude: What would you like.
Me: Cranberry and Vodka?
Dude: Really?
Me: Oh, I am not usually bought drinks, am I not supposed to ask for that?
Dude: No you can ask for whatever you want, it is your drink....
Me: Ok. Well. Can I have a Cranberry and Vodka?
(Dude orders. We endure a slightly awkward silence)
Dude: I have to admit, I saw you dancing earlier, and it was quite sexy.
Me: Oh, well thank you. I thought I danced kinda spastically, so it is good to know that it is actually sexy.
Dude: Uh. Yeah! It is!
(awkward silence)
Me: Sorry, I am not good at this, I am pretty awkward in flirting situations.
Dude: It's fine. Wanna dance?
Ok, I have to pause right here, because I usually have a rule at the bar. I do not dance with anyone. I don't let boys dance up on me, that is NOT fun for me. The only boy who would be allowed to dance with me is one who came up and would start doing a modern dance routine to "I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It" because that is SO what I would do. Alright, that being said, having let this boy buy me a drink, I felt like I was obligated to dance with him. *sigh*.
Me: Um. Ok, I think my friends are out there, lets go dance with them.
Dude: Ok sweet.
(we both walk over to the dance floor, I see Ryley and Megan and I walk straight to their group and start non-commitally dancing with the group. Dude comes up and starts to dance with me, then gestures me out further into the middle of the dance floor away from my friends. I am sure he wanted me to be all grindy grind up against him, but I JUST DON'T DANCE THAT WAY. If you want romance, do a freaking tango with me).
Dude: (realizing that I am not your regular skin bar girl) Um, this is my dance (proceeds to do some random dance, which was kinda cute cause it was an ice breaker)
Me: Oh that was nice, do you want to see my signature move?
Dude: (eyes lighting up cause he apparently thinks it is something sexy) Yes! I do!
Me: OK, you ready? It is called "The Pantomime" ( then do my signature move, which is something I made up in High School when I won first place in the state with my pantomime routine. Yeah that's right, I am a world class mime. Take that. Anyways, it consists of making yourself a box, and then sticking your head outside of the line of the box you just made. I made it up to make fun of all the other mimers who were not as good as me......haha)
Dude: Oh. Oh that's, haha, that's fun! (obviously he didn't think it was fun)
Me: (looking around as I had lost Ryley) Oh, where did my friends go?
Dude: Do you want to go find them?
Me: Yes
Dude: Ok, have a nice night.
Me: Thanks for the drink
(exit left)
So, yes. That was my most recent "flirting" experience. As you can see, I am not your average girl at a skin bar. Once again, I would rather be at a piano bar any day, but, it is fine, I like dancing too. I just don't like getting hit on. I am not in it for "the fun of the night". One of my favorite lines is having someone say something like "Your cute. Want to make out?" and me saying "Oh, well thanks. I have three kids at home. Still wanna make out?". Yes. I have had that exact conversation before. They don't ever want to make out after that. I have no clue as to why..... *sigh* I am never going to get married again am I?
Ok, time for the rule of the day! This is actually a recently learned rule: Never let a boy buy you a drink. It just means you have to awkwardly dance with him later.
Alright, and time for my Show and Tell. Now. I am not one to dance sexy. However, I will one day learn this dance with someone, and somehow randomly perform it in a dance bar. NOT. EVEN. JOKING.
Also, we know I love them, so, I am going to have another Show and Tell. Boys. Evan. Ryan. Please come buy me a drink. Or, I will buy you one. I am not picky. It could even be soda. Or hot chocolate. Or water. I promise lots of awkward conversations about musicals. You CAN'T pass that up.
Ah. You know how I feel about boys in suspenders.....I love them....you know, just in case you didn't know how I felt.....
Ok folks. Until tomorrow! Xx
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