So today I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine. He asked me if I had any hot dates this weekend, and I told him that I actually did have a date, tomorrow. (I have a date tomorrow by the way. Like. A real date. Very exciting.) He then asked me what I do to attract boys. I didn't really understand what he meant, so he said, "You know, do you dress up and show a little cleavage, or like what?" I laughed at him and said "Honey, I don't have any cleavage to show off." That was kind of the end of our conversation, however, it got me thinking.
What do I do to attract the opposite sex?
Well. I mean, lets face it, what do I do OTHER than just stand there and look pretty? (insert narcissistic laugh/snort here). No really though. I think that I am unsure on how to attract the opposite sex.
Obviously I have been hit up for less than valid reasons (remember the Single Moms Are Easy Story. Also, I swear to cow if I ever see the sentence "hey, wanna come over to my house for a .... movie...." in my text box again I will go freaking POSTAL. I KNOW WHAT THAT IS CODE FOR, AND IT IS NOT CODE FOR LET'S WATCH A MOVIE!) Boys generally don't want to 'date' a girl with three kids though. So, what options am I left with?
I suppose that I could just NOT tell boys that I have kids, and spring it on them when they pop the question. "OH YES, YES, I'll marry you! Oh I love you honey, by the way, come on over to my house, there is someone I want you to meet...kids, meet your new DADDY!!!" That may work.
I also could just tell boys that I am actually NOT interested in a relationship at all, treat them like dirt, don't text them EVER, but give them just enough attention that they stay intrigued and obsessed with me. That seems to work for the boys, why couldn't it work for me? OH THAT'S RIGHT, I'm not a bitch. Scratch that idea.
I think that the answer to my friends question, is that I attract boys just by being myself (please, right now, I want you to think of the Genie in Aladdin when he says just BEE yourself! That's what I just thought of just now). You see, I never really try to be someone different. I am a weird little girl who likes Broadway musicals and old movies. I don't like to watch horror shows, and I would be perfectly happy if you wore suspenders and looked like any of the boys off of the Big Bang Theory. The best date for me would be to take me to a play and then talk about Harry Potter (by the way, that date has happened. Still the best date of my LIFE)
Being myself doesn't really bring me a huge following of boys. Especially boys who want to date me, because generally boys who like musicals and dancing like other boys, so, there tends to be that obstacle in our way. HOWEVER, I HAVE FAITH that I will one day meet Mr. Right with this crazy tactic of mine. And one day he will also win the Nobel Prize. SNAP.
My boob job that I am going to get will TOTALLY help that along though. I am not. even. kidding.
HEART YOUR FACES.
And while it would be awesome to say that the boob job comment was an April fools day joke. It isn't.
Funny story is you also are very up front with what they will get and not get out of you! which to all the boys would work for you too!!! But way to go girl friend cuz being yourself is the only way to ensure truth. and you and i both know that while being ourselves sometimes means we just hang out with each other that's just as good till someone who can handle us comes around ;)
ReplyDeleteYou know the only reason you have to go through this is because your perfect man lives in London - but seriously. You attract men because you're HOT, and you're funny... and you've got a brain on you...
ReplyDeleteIt's just a shame that brain of yours is having a lapse in judgement - you don't need a boob job, and you shouldn't get one. Unless of course you want the average man knocking at your door.
A few things you want to know about the average man:
- They are AVERAGE. but over stupid.
- Their simple stupidity will normally lead to sexism, racism and even homophobia - which is gonna be great to try to take him to a musical!
- They are interested in one thing, getting their end away. They won't care about the fact you have kids. In fact, they'll use this more as a determination to nail you and be gone before sunrise.
I could go on, but I wont. The fact is yes, there are advantages of having bigger boobs - but that's only if you cant put across your femininity and attractive points in other ways - OF WHICH YOU DO IN SUBLIME FORM.
I guess what I'm trying to say is - people that use their boobs to get things, either men or flirting with me to get a free game at the bowling alley or a upsized mcdonalds for the price of a small are the women that really aren't true women. They're pieces of meat. You are NOT a piece of meat. You're someone to be respected, admired, loved and worshipped.
I am having a flashback. T & A can change your life they sure changed mine!!!!!!!! I heart your face.
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone for your comments! AND I KNOW RIGHT JAIME. I believe the line would be "flat and sassy, I would get the strays and losers, beggars really can't be choosers, that aint it kid, that aint it kid, fix the chassy, HOW DO YOU DO, life turned into an endless medly of gee it had to be you! WHY?" You know the rest.
ReplyDeleteAlthough you know I heart your face Seb :)
LOVE IT! best song!! :)
ReplyDelete