WHY?!

WHY IS IT APRIL 5TH AND SNOWING!?

I am so cold, I have been cold for days, DAYS I TELL YOU! Easter was super fun, but it was COLD.

I CAN'T EVEN MAKE A NORMAL BLOG POST BECAUSE I AM SO COLD, I THINK MY FINGERS ARE GOING TO FALL OFF AND THEN I WILL BE TYPING WITH THE STUMPS OF MY FINGERS. I AM SO COLD THAT I CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO EVEN SHUT OF THE CAPS KEY!!! WHERE IS SPRING!!!!!!!!

And where is a boy who will cuddle with me? HUH EASTER BUNNY?! Fat good the Easter Bunny is when you are an adult. He just brings you Easter Candy which makes you fat so that you can't go out and date again. Rude. I hate you Easter Bunny.

On the plus side my children have been on a sugar high for the past two days and were running around the living room in circles today. OH, did I mention they were completely naked and screaming? It was awesome.

That is all. I can't even think, I am so cold. My feet are blue, BLUE.

Ok not really. I guess I see where Severian gets his drama from.

The Jokes on YOU, MUAHAHAHAHA

Alright, so this blog is going to be quick, but, it is funny nonetheless. So, I have a statcounter on my blog. This was mostly installed with the ex's gf (now wife) came to my blog and posted on it, I thought to myself, 'self, I would like to know when she checks my blog', so, I installed a statcounter.

Now that you all know that I ESTALK YOU, I think I should share how funny it is to see some of the hits that I get. While I usually don't know who is who, sometimes I will get a random hit from some random state, that I don't know anyone in. Usually, I just assume it is a friend of a friend bloghopping, however, sometimes, it comes through and it shows me the path that person took to get to my blog. Essentially, it shows me the web search they did, usually through google. Here are some of the top 'searches' that have pulled up my blog:

"I love single moms"
"Hot single moms"
"Easy single moms"
"Single moms who love"
"Single moms in bed"

If you haven't guessed already, all of these hits come through because boys are looking for Pr0n (or porn to you non-computer gamers out there). Every time I see something like this, I have to laugh, because here they were thinking they got a GREAT porn site, and what do they get?

Just me. And this blog. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. More than likely now that I have said the word "porn" in my blog, I will see a ton more hits. And they will see this blog. And be disappointed.

THAT WILL TEACH THEM!!! muahahahaha.

That is all...for now... bowchickawowow!

There is no charge for awesomeness, or attractiveness

So today I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine. He asked me if I had any hot dates this weekend, and I told him that I actually did have a date, tomorrow. (I have a date tomorrow by the way. Like. A real date. Very exciting.) He then asked me what I do to attract boys. I didn't really understand what he meant, so he said, "You know, do you dress up and show a little cleavage, or like what?" I laughed at him and said "Honey, I don't have any cleavage to show off." That was kind of the end of our conversation, however, it got me thinking.

What do I do to attract the opposite sex?

Well. I mean, lets face it, what do I do OTHER than just stand there and look pretty? (insert narcissistic laugh/snort here). No really though. I think that I am unsure on how to attract the opposite sex.

Obviously I have been hit up for less than valid reasons (remember the Single Moms Are Easy Story. Also, I swear to cow if I ever see the sentence "hey, wanna come over to my house for a .... movie...." in my text box again I will go freaking POSTAL. I KNOW WHAT THAT IS CODE FOR, AND IT IS NOT CODE FOR LET'S WATCH A MOVIE!) Boys generally don't want to 'date' a girl with three kids though. So, what options am I left with?

I suppose that I could just NOT tell boys that I have kids, and spring it on them when they pop the question. "OH YES, YES, I'll marry you! Oh I love you honey, by the way, come on over to my house, there is someone I want you to meet...kids, meet your new DADDY!!!" That may work.

I also could just tell boys that I am actually NOT interested in a relationship at all, treat them like dirt, don't text them EVER, but give them just enough attention that they stay intrigued and obsessed with me. That seems to work for the boys, why couldn't it work for me? OH THAT'S RIGHT, I'm not a bitch. Scratch that idea.

I think that the answer to my friends question, is that I attract boys just by being myself (please, right now, I want you to think of the Genie in Aladdin when he says just BEE yourself! That's what I just thought of just now). You see, I never really try to be someone different. I am a weird little girl who likes Broadway musicals and old movies. I don't like to watch horror shows, and I would be perfectly happy if you wore suspenders and looked like any of the boys off of the Big Bang Theory. The best date for me would be to take me to a play and then talk about Harry Potter (by the way, that date has happened. Still the best date of my LIFE)

Being myself doesn't really bring me a huge following of boys. Especially boys who want to date me, because generally boys who like musicals and dancing like other boys, so, there tends to be that obstacle in our way. HOWEVER, I HAVE FAITH that I will one day meet Mr. Right with this crazy tactic of mine. And one day he will also win the Nobel Prize. SNAP.

My boob job that I am going to get will TOTALLY help that along though. I am not. even. kidding.

HEART YOUR FACES.

And while it would be awesome to say that the boob job comment was an April fools day joke. It isn't.